i'm stuck here

yes, this is my long-waited first post. i've never thought that my fisrt post would be in english. but i just had this strong impulse to write something in english.

i guess no one will read this post ( ok, i mean none of my friends except one of my roomies will read this post) since i haven't told anyone about this blog yet. haha, so i think i can say anything i like here before anyone finds it!

as the title suggested, "i'm stuck here", i am stuck!

right now, i'm sitting in the school library, listening to some random but nice songs from the Stone and trying to squeeze out my application essay. i haven't been working for too long i think. i can't write anything! i read through the half- finished essay i wrote the other night, it seems so rubish now :( pls save me, somebody out there, pls,,,save,,,me,,,

i think i'm lost in this whole uni application thingy. i know, this is not supposed to be like this. this whole process should be damn meaningful, self-rediscovering, self- redefining...blah blah blah. i used to agree with that too. but now, with the deadlines aproaching and all the essays untouched, i started to doubt. this is my own fault. i admit. but some times, reality is not that simple. people made things more comlicated for you. people hide, people cheat, people lie, while others try so desperately to dig out the truth, to right the wrong, to keep upright. everyone has his own aganda since everyone is selfish. i can't blame anyone.

pardon me if i sound totaly incoherent and illogic here. some times i don't even know what i'm thinking so i can't tell others, even the closest friends. maybe that's why blogs exist.

i want to get lost for a while (just like SOMEONE but of course for different reasons)i don't know where i want to go, what i want to do. maybe just wandering around and think, and breathe, and come back, and restart.

before i go, i want to say to those who have told me before that when you have something unhappy that you don't or can't tell others, just write it out, that you're right. i feel much better now although i didn't right out that much.

i'm gonna get lost now.

just for a while.

i'll be back...to continue my essays