071208(2)

why am i here again? shouldn't i be doing my essays now?
saw some random pictures just now.some random picture that made me mad.
do i have a reason or do i even have the right to be mad?

once you said it, you meant it

that is it

life is a one way road

071208

I thought I was going to finish one essay today, this morning to be specific. But the moment when I opened my eyes at eleven thirty this morning, I knew this was not going to happen. I sat on my bed (the evilest invention ever, at least this was what I thought then) and started thinking. Yes thinking, hope that would do me some good. I reflected about what I had been doing these days… eating on my roommate’s table while watching Truman’s world, wasting whole day wandering online doing absolutely nothing. Sleeping, well, over-sleeping, eating junk food, drinking too much coffee.. yah, this is it. I've done enough of this and it’s time to tidy up.

People live and people work :) that’s the rule!

早晨

房间一下子空了.送完了两个室友,现在整个房间都是我的了. 房间空得很,一个人讲话都可以听到回声.

离自己回家还有一个星期.一个星期还有好多事情要干,比如要整理完所有的东西,要写完essay(好吧，我承认这是不现实的），要把不穿了的衣服捐到salvation army,要去一次haji lane，要吃“长城”，要把自己和室友的application的东西寄出，要回家。

有时候很讨厌自己，因为在一个人的时候往往会做出一些让自己后悔的事情。后悔说一些无聊的不应该说的话。后悔想一些漫无边际甚至离谱的人和事。浪费着一些明知弥足珍贵却还在浪费的时间。所以，大部分的时间还是应该和朋友在一起的，至少不能让自己闲着。

无聊和单独是有联系的，很多无聊因为独处造成的，很多胡思乱想是因为无聊造成的，比如这篇post.

i'm still alive

今天有点小小的茅塞顿开的感觉。没有人指点，没有任何事情发生，只是一下子开化了。
自我反省了一下。最近过得太混沌，因为眼前的一些小状况而搞得不愉快，即忽略了整体又把自己弄得老不开心，何苦呢？女人何必为难女人~~~

很多时候的焦躁和不开心其实都来自于内心的不确定和不自信。如果胸有成竹的话，不管什么情况自然都会淡定从容，何来的烦恼呢

当然荷尔蒙也从中起了点作用。

总之，路总是要自己走的，不论是身边有人搀扶还是一路孤身一人。当你自信满满地启程的时候，没有什么能让你烦躁不安

“良好的心境，使一片大海，要乘容下微澜或巨浪，而非停止静止。心可以无限广大，敏感善良却难得。”

能时刻保持心态的平和但又不乏灵性，这是一种修养，

i'm stuck here

yes, this is my long-waited first post. i've never thought that my fisrt post would be in english. but i just had this strong impulse to write something in english.

i guess no one will read this post ( ok, i mean none of my friends except one of my roomies will read this post) since i haven't told anyone about this blog yet. haha, so i think i can say anything i like here before anyone finds it!

as the title suggested, "i'm stuck here", i am stuck!

right now, i'm sitting in the school library, listening to some random but nice songs from the Stone and trying to squeeze out my application essay. i haven't been working for too long i think. i can't write anything! i read through the half- finished essay i wrote the other night, it seems so rubish now :( pls save me, somebody out there, pls,,,save,,,me,,,

i think i'm lost in this whole uni application thingy. i know, this is not supposed to be like this. this whole process should be damn meaningful, self-rediscovering, self- redefining...blah blah blah. i used to agree with that too. but now, with the deadlines aproaching and all the essays untouched, i started to doubt. this is my own fault. i admit. but some times, reality is not that simple. people made things more comlicated for you. people hide, people cheat, people lie, while others try so desperately to dig out the truth, to right the wrong, to keep upright. everyone has his own aganda since everyone is selfish. i can't blame anyone.

pardon me if i sound totaly incoherent and illogic here. some times i don't even know what i'm thinking so i can't tell others, even the closest friends. maybe that's why blogs exist.

i want to get lost for a while (just like SOMEONE but of course for different reasons)i don't know where i want to go, what i want to do. maybe just wandering around and think, and breathe, and come back, and restart.

before i go, i want to say to those who have told me before that when you have something unhappy that you don't or can't tell others, just write it out, that you're right. i feel much better now although i didn't right out that much.

i'm gonna get lost now.

just for a while.

i'll be back...to continue my essays